Old boy banders don’t die, they just make Clear Channel…
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[5.42]
Thomas Inskeep: Well, someone’s having a Timberlake moment. I mean, who knew he had this in him? Sleek and well-lubed, this pop&B jam is ready for action.
[6]
Alfred Soto: Somebody’s been listening to The-Dream and Miguel and having a damn good time too. There’s an air of trying on new drag and experiencing a thrill of self-satisfaction, which is reflected in the squeals of pleasure.
[7]
Micha Cavaseno: Holy shit, the way he does that little dumb chest-hair/John Mellencamp prep for the hook, the Miguel-esque intro — this is Nick Jonas trying to gun for that “Little Red Corvette” money in such a subtle manner that nobody’ll realize it until it becomes a hit. I’m having the best Prince cosplay in years written by Nick Jonas. I need to lie down. I’m not ready for this, damn it.
[7]
David Sheffieck: This is a credible stab at an adult career, but it’d be much better if producer Sir Nolan would give Jonas some damn space. Not a second of the song — even Jonas’s falsetto spotlight moment — gets to exist without some synthy scribbling in the margins. It flattens the song every time, scattering effects and samples indiscriminately and wastefully. “Jealous” sounds like it has a good song lurking somewhere inside, but it shouldn’t take digging to find it.
[4]
Scott Mildenhall: “It’s my right to be hellish” is quite a clanging line. Aside from its fundamental lack of rhyme with “jealous”, what behaviour that can be described as hellish is justifiable here? An acknowledgement of jealousy should imply self-awareness, so surely he should see otherwise. Maybe uncritical pillockry was just authorial intent; thankfully the unspectacular vocal performance and moderate electro funk show the advantages of not overstretching it.
[5]
Brad Shoup: Erstwhile pop bureaucrat Nick Jonas is so jealous, he can’t even rhyme straight. The sentiment’s dopey, but he hasn’t just plundered Miguel’s sound, he’s plundered Miguel’s sense for the off-putting offer. Those hoots sound like swoons. It’s devious how sweet this sounds.
[7]
Anthony Easton: Were the Jonas Brothers ever this tight, so good at historical claiming and Jackson claiming, so slightly outre (the use of “fucking” is a punctum) as Nick is here? It’s sort of like how brilliant that JC Chasez solo record was, though I hope it does better in sales.
[7]
Katherine St Asaph: The Jesse McCartney Rule: Given an assembly of four-fiveish boys in a boy band, at least two solo R&B debuts will appear. Unless one of the boys releases something outwardly embarrassing (the JC Chasez Corollary), their solo R&B debuts will be of near-equal quality. Who becomes the Timberlake isn’t up to meritocracy, nor hard work, not even chance, but who won the most solo fans in the press and fandom Battle Royale that is singing and dancing and mugging in a boy band. The limp flops that were the Joe Jonas debut and the full-Jonas reunion suggest Nick is probably not a winner, but rules are rules; he’s gotta try. “Jealous” has grownup frisson — to some, Nick Jonas singing “you’re so fucking beautiful, and everybody wants your sex” is the equivalent in heft of tossing his purity ring into Mordor — and trendy sounds: the new jack swing chassis and new jack pretender caterwauling that every boy bander does when they do this, a few late-’90s percussion hits, the “Do What U Want” synths that are weirdly au courant. But I can’t tell whether it’s a love song or an angry song, which probably means it fails at both.
[3]
Luisa Lopez: If jealousy felt anything like this, it wouldn’t be worth writing about.
[2]
Will Adams: Noxious in its attempts to evoke sympathy for its narrator (because at the end of the day, she’s still with him); abhorrent for said narrator singing the whole song through his nose.
[3]
Jonathan Bogart: I guess white guys doing retro R&B aimed at the charts have to throw in some skeeviness in a post-Thicke world — you are blaming her, or at least her beauty, for your macho posturing, you doofus — but like the dumbass skeeves whose next-day apology anthem over a terrible Vine it will surely be, it’s also too charming by half.
[7]
Alex Ostroff: Nick, Nick, Nick. You don’t have the right to be hellish — you have to earn it. I love a boy who appreciates Prince, but you’re not as sexy or as dirty as the master. Plus, if I need a Jonas to treat me bad, I’m probably going to opt for Joe, who nails this entire mean-pretty vibe. You’re not even confident enough to admit “you know I get excited when you get jealous too” without burying the bridge in the mix. You’ve got the right moves and hit the right notes, but your words belie your posturing; you’re neither callous nor deservedly smug, just insecure. Miguel hasn’t shown up here in almost two years, though, and you’re pretty enough. By last call I’ll probably go home with you and we both know it. So maybe you deserve to be a little bit smug.
[7]