The Le Tissier montage was followed by Southampton losing 1-0 at Swindon on Tuesday. Lesson learned, eh…
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[4.00]
Kat Stevens: Would “Two Heads Are Better Than One” by Power Tool would sound better played on a mouth harp? Ans: YES.
[8]
Martin Kavka: This is hands down the most fascinating lyric of 2009. In Keith’s world, there’s no desire to turn the clock back, or to push the clock forward. The climate will get worse, immigration crises will heighten, wages will remain stagnant, and technology will continue to entrance us. The only thing left that is intrinsically good is love of nation, but insofar as it’s powerless to change anything about the world, patriotism becomes indistinguishable from nihilism. Every second of time is now the strait gate through which no Messiah will ever enter.
[6]
Michaelangelo Matos: Who’s going to bust you for singing Christmas carols, the ACLU? What does it being “funny how the world keeps turning” have to do with “the ozone burning”? “Plasma getting bigger/Jesus getting smaller”: sorry science exists, duder. “Spill a cup of coffee/Make a million dollars”: nice of you to remember something that happened 15 years ago and blame it on the present day, you arrant prick.
[1]
Ian Mathers: I’m not an American, so I can only begin to approximate how pissed off I’d be by the thought that someone might think I identify with Keith’s blinkered, cynical take on what life is like (for affluent white people, at least) in what I’d still like to think is a pretty good country.
[0]
Chuck Eddy: Okay now, here’s a song that picks fights and draws lines in the sand —- nativist horseshit (tidal wave comin’ in from the Mexican border, not to mention thugs arrested by Customs with aerosol cans — or maybe that’s just anti-graffiti-art?), Christianist horseshit (people getting arrested for singing Christmas carols as if that’s ever fucking happened anywhere), sexist horseshit (Mom getting rocks off watching Desperate Housewives and spoiled brats learning how to be mean grrrrrls from “the youtube” ’cause that’s what it takes to get along in the world while Dad works his ass off for the good life), rockist horseshit (beauty queens with plastic surgery becoming pop stars without being able to sing a note), you name it. But also a chorus that seems to accept global warming, at least as a metaphor for the country turning to shit (or “fit,” as in “fit’s gonna hit the shan.”) And Toby’s digging the ride anyway — “look ma, no hands!” — so he kicks the thing as hard as just about anything he’s done (dude’s been covering “Stranglehold” live lately — guess he’s getting bored by his mellow period.) He also changes the title from “This American Life,” which is what Nashville songster Dave Pahanish named it: Too NPR, maybe? Still, perfect punctuation for a long hot summer of idiot mob uprisings and last-ditch conspiracy lies from old white yokels feeling the earth shifting beneath their feet. When will he learn?
[8]
Tal Rosenberg: Tough and celebratory, which works to the song’s advantage. Not crazy about the power riff, but love the bluegrass flourishes. Not crazy about the “gotta” in the chorus, because it presumes that loving the American ride is obligatory. Wish it would be a “sure” or a “really” or a “hella” or maybe Toby could do with a proper “fuckin’.” P.S. — ixnay on the “fit hits the shan”. P.P.S. — the “na-na-nas” too.
[6]
John Seroff: You’ve got to feel sorry for the innocent Irish jig at the heart of “American Ride”; it’s not like it ever ate arugula or lobbied for fuel-efficient cars. Yet there it lies, its flimsy back broken by the weight of Toby Keith’s jingoism and ignorance. Not that a stronger tune would save this weirdly apolitical screed; note that this glibly patronizing shitkickeria doesn’t exactly espouse a view so much as it lists dittohead doggerel. For every reasonably clever turn-of-phrase Keith musters (“Plasma getting bigger / Jesus getting smaller”) there’s a half-dozen references to Jane Doe jacking it to primetime and “The Youtube”. Keith’s limited vocal range along with his reliance on vocal multi-tracking and power chords indicate ‘American Ride’s hair metal roots, but this song doesn’t even have the meager insight or poison charm of One In a Million. Preaching to the choir has rarely sounded so rancid.
[1]
Hillary Brown: So despite the fact that the lyrics are the kind of clever stuff a 13-year-old redneck comes up with, the melody’s light and fun and the twangs and harmonies are almost experimental without becoming un-beautiful.
[6]
Anthony Miccio: Hank Williams Jr. gripes about What’s Wrong With America graced by an ironically eager-to-please chorus. Could Keith be a roid rage Randy Newman, mocking his audience’s determination to take pride in a nation they hold in contempt? Or is he just sharing their unexamined nihilism?
[4]
Matt Cibula: His mixed-up confusion doesn’t have a bit of courage in it, and his voice doesn’t sound so nice anymore.
[2]
Alfred Soto: Keith’s usually a good singer, so I’m inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt when he sings about “kids” on THE YouTube. I don’t trust the power chords, and I certainly don’t trust his politics, which on this evidence don’t extend past the sentiments of angry citizens railing against Nazi health care (as captured on the YouTube). Someone bring a flip cam to record Toby’s reaction when he learns that the American ride he loves so much was made in Japan.
[4]
Martin Skidmore: Sadly fails to feature the line “It’s political correctness gone mad!”, but it may as well do.
[3]
Additional Scores
Andrew Casillas: [2]
Anthony Easton: [4]
Tom Ewing: [6]
Edward Okulicz: [3]