Gather ’round, children, it’s time for a story…
[Video][Website]
[3.36]
Iain Mew: “Loca People” meets “Bom Bom”. They make out only briefly before sneaking off the sticky dancefloor, leaving behind some dull thwacking and a feeling of anticlimax.
[3]
Micha Cavaseno: It’s like Betty Boop being forcibly updated for a remake by Steve Aoki. Does anyone here comprehend that the Albatraoz is not what you’d want to be? I don’t know who’d want to have this as their theme song.
[1]
Katherine St Asaph: More like the Rime of the Preset Sampler. Up a point because I’m half-convinced this’ll bring the lolwhats in 20 years.
[4]
Josh Winters: The “pop music makes you stupid” argument is one I’ve grown heavily weary of in all my bouts of explaining and defending the genre to many friends, but oh my god, I feel like my brain just atrophied watching this video and I’m really just speechless and befuddled right now.
[0]
Mo Kim: Ultimately, it’s Nora Ekberg’s deliciously bratty delivery and the brief circus piano interlude that lift this dance floor remix of “The Itsy-Bitsy Spider” above its one-note concept.
[6]
Anthony Easton: You know that line in Mariner where Coleridge writes: “The selfsame moment I could pray/and from my neck so free /the Albatross fell off, and sank/like lead into the sea”? I will be singing that to this tune, if I ever get the motherfucker out of my head.
[7]
Abby Waysdorf: Basically like any other novelty dance song I’ve heard out at clubs around here, with a bunch of elements of the more successful recent examples of the genre (the random English swearing, the vaguely 1920s horn elements, a beat reminiscent of 90s happy hardcore). There’s not much to recommend it over some of those earlier versions — it doesn’t have the charming silliness of “We No Speak Americano” or the actual skill of “Loca People” — but it’s current. I guess that’s something.
[4]
Brad Shoup: It’s amazing what a little swing and a lot of contempt can do for your Continental dancepop single. Worth hearing for the worst scatting ever recorded.
[5]
Scott Mildenhall: A weird melding of the tacitly American “back home there’s a long road where all this was fields” non-storytelling Avicii is so fond of (adjacent to the similar, but often less farm-based pillage of “Waves”wave) and abysmally executed LOLpop. Rednex did it successfully by going in full throttle at both; this devolves into scarcely developed noise after about five seconds of lyrics. These sort of hits can be fun to think about, but they should be more fun to listen to.
[3]
Will Adams: The song treats the lyrics with the nuance of a Seth MacFarlane gag. The video treats the song with the nuance of those fucking Kia Soul commercials. This never stood a chance.
[2]
John Seroff: I suppose every year gets the “Barbie Girl” it deserves? If our young 2015 is jostling to be defined as the dawn of the foul mouthed brostep polka (with a donk on it), I suppose we’ve at least got eleven more months to save our collective soul. Someone call Ylvis and tell them all is forgiven.
[2]