About three years too late for a movie tie-in…
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[4.70]
Scott Mildenhall: Cheryl Cole is still in the rare position where the first single from each of her albums is supposed to be An Event. Even if that’s a narrative seeming all the more pushed than realistic, it’s handy for the way she only seems to exist within talent shows. What it’s not handy for, though, is how uneventful this is. Sincerely, it could be Pixie Lott. It’s not that identity is necessary, but presence would be good. A bit of brass, a vague resemblance to “A Public Affair” and Tinie Tempah struggling to get reception from Miami/Ibiza all sound fine in the background, but is that really the point?
[5]
Will Adams: The deflated, synthetic saxophone hook was a terrible decision to begin with, but Cheryl doesn’t have the voice to pull the rest of this off anyway.
[2]
Thomas Inskeep: The sax part is reminiscent of Macklemore’s “Thrift Shop” more than anything else, but unlike Ariana Grande’s “Problem,” this song can’t overcome that. Cheryl Cole has a voice as thin as tissue, and here has a song to match. “Crazy Stupid Love” wants to be Kylie via Winehouse, but mostly it’s just stupid pop with a Tinie Tempah cameo, I assume to give it appeal “with the kids.”
[3]
Alfred Soto: Blame the army division of songwriters for this bewildering miscellany: the verses boast uninteresting music and indifferent rhymes, a marooned sax honks over the chorus and bridges, and Tinie’s bit sounds like an unused Pro Tool track.
[3]
Megan Harrington: “Crazy Stupid Love” is about a half minute too long, but, shock of all shocks, that half minute isn’t Tinie Tempah’s! He’s great here, as playful and flirtatious as Cole deserves. No, what deserves the ax is that grating, skronky saxophone.
[7]
Iain Mew: For all her celebrity profile and lasting chart success, Cheryl has very little in the way of musical identity. Her songs have all been lightweight and not-quite-trendy in sound but not linked by much else — certainly not by a strong voice in any sense of the word. It doesn’t mean they’ve all been bad, just that they’ve lived or died by their individual productions. This one is a Tune-Yards stomp and rusty awareness that sax is a thing now, and it offers no support to Cheryl in sounding head over heels in love rather than just bored. Meanwhile, Tinie Tempah’s contribution is so terrible and irrelevant it actually has me fondly looking back on “sexy señorita, I feel your aura.”
[3]
Anthony Easton: Into this mostly for the horns, but Tinie Tempah’s verse has its own (minor) charms.
[7]
Patrick St. Michel: Catchy, simple song featuring a whatever Tinie Tempah.
[5]
Jer Fairall: There’s no lack of enthusiasm here, not from an indistinct but enthusiastic Cole, not from the percussive stomp of the production, not even from those jarring horn squonks, but when the eerie pan flute-like whistle that accompanies Tinie’s bit kicks in, it hints at the far more challenging track that could have been had this not been tailored to so unadventurous a performer.
[6]
Brad Shoup: The wheel comes up flimsy hoedown pop. No one thought to add an instrumental melodic element to pair with Cole; we have to hang around for a conceptually interesting bari sax warmup. Tempah rollerblades all over his bars, the one bit of excitement on a track that was surely blueprinted for more.
[6]