We are butthurt about Norway not winning, yes.
[Video][Website]
[4.62]
Mallory O’Donnell: All the main Eurovision trends of 2013 (well, bar a dodgy dubstep breakdown) in one neat little package–fake Celticism (Deirfiuracha Weren’t Doing It For Themselves), vague peace anthem qualities, answering a series of quantitative questions with “only teardrops.” “Little,” though, is key–there’s virtually nothing happening here apart from a chorus magnanimously extending and rephrasing itself across the length of an entire song. Sad, too, to see such a non-event in the vocal department take the dubious laurels when we had two freakish divas up for the role : the staggering contralto conceit of “It’s My Life” and the post-battlefield come-on of “I Feed You My Love,” both appearing on that same “stage tonight,” but with something that might have reference to or use in an actual, exterior world beyond the ESC. This? Not so much.
[3]
Edward Okulicz: I first started watching Eurovision just after the Irish-domination period of the 90s went away, just as televoting came in to democratise the contest, just as the contest got occasionally fascinating and gorgeous. This entry, and its victory, is like a double-throwback that speaks in no way to why I love the contest. Each element feels perfunctory, the chorus doesn’t say anything or sing it in an interestingly melodic way and the main novelty element is that annoying whistle, a Celtic flourish I don’t even care for in its native environment. That one of the the hooks for the reportage was “zomg she performed barefoot” shows how little people must have thought when they watched or voted this. Heard of Sandie Shaw? This doesn’t even hit “Puppet on a String” heights of sophistication.
[3]
Patrick St. Michel: Neither a great song nor the total goofjunk I long assumed won Eurovision, “Only Teardrops” is totally adequate with its mix of “My Heart Will Go On” whistle and “Zombie” vocal inflection. Wait, were all the judges kids of the ’90s?
[5]
Ian Mathers: My sister-in-law is Danish Canadian, and spent part of her youth living in Denmark; I texted her this morning to see if she’d heard that they’d won Eurovision. She hadn’t, but she managed to text me “It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever heard” just before I texted her the exact same thing.
[5]
Scott Mildenhall: There were at least seven better songs in this year’s Eurovision final (Belgium, Belarus, The Netherlands, Sweden, Ukraine, Norway and Ireland, since you asked), and yet this one, with its self-congratulatory confetti and ready-printed celebratory banner came out top. Still, you can’t argue with democracy, and democracy has, in this instance, decided on competence. It’s a difficult job appealing to people from Bilbao to Baku, and although doing so doesn’t preclude greatness, it sometimes just draws out the joyless – viz. 2008, 2011 and, almost, “Only Teardrops”. The way the short, sharp hook is repeated as many times as three minutes will allow might translate to immediacy, but not so much repeat listens. The drums, the flute; everything down to the metareference to the stage feels calculated towards winning the contest, and that utilitarianism prevents it from standing up as any more than a good song when stripped of context.
[7]
Brad Shoup: The thematic development shudders to a halt in the way a casual observer (yo) expects with Eurovision: “How many times do we have to fight/How many times ’til we get it right between us/Only teardrops”. Ugh. The uncharitable takeaway is that when everyone’s lyrical currency is English (this makes six years in a row), it’s bound to get devalued. But hey, there’s making sense on the page (boo) or making sense between the ears, and “Only Teardrops” gets pretty close. The snatch of flute gains power for being underdeveloped; the structuring is ruthless; de Forest is invested without making me concerned for her geopolitical outlook. After all, this is a classic Schrödinger’s-cake exercise, teetering between the personal and the international. Ten years ago, we probably could have grasped at a reading that criticized Bush, but as always (and thankfully), we had other concerns.
[5]
Jonathan Bogart: I thought pennywhistles in pop songs were outlawed by international convention following the global disaster of 1998.
[3]
Will Adams: There’s no getting around that the superior song lost. Or that Emmelie is one outstretched arm away from being Leona Lewis. But “Only Teardrops” stays on the right side of safe, a state that can so easily slip into abhorrent. The panflute weaves in and out respectfully, the production is balanced, and Emmelie’s performance is earnest. This is a satisfactory winner; nothing more, nothing less.
[6]