Were these dudes ever permitted to actually smang it?
[Video]
[6.17]
Daniel Montesinos-Donaghy: I don’t think I could explain how much joy “Treat Me Like a Pirate” is bringing me. An alterna-universe bargain basement “I Need A Hot Girl” but with pirate references? And actual great Flynt Flossy and Yung Humma verses a la the immortal “Lemme Smang It”? Flossy says “buccaneer” and compares his dick to a longsword; Yung Hummaaaaaaaaa offers a “One Eyed Betty” metaphor in a reference you can work out in your (filthy) spare time; Whatchyamacallit says his dream girl kicks horses for a living and toasts the intro to a thousand future remixes: “thar she blows!/thar she blows!/walk the plank!/touch your toes!” As I write this, I am ill in bed but suddenly feel like throwing racks while riding a hovercraft at warpspeed in a wifebeater, drinking Pyrat XO from the bottle with video vixens in eyepatches and doing a millionbilliongazillion chest presses in a row while screaming at the top of my lungs. This song was most likely made just for me. Another banger… OR SHOULD I SAY SMANGER? [1] deducted for not being aforementioned “I Need A Hot Girl,” because some things are just too perfect.
[9]
Alfred Soto: Another couple days of massaging and this could have been Jack Sparrow’s theme song at the Magic Kingdom, complete with pseudo-Pharell vocal.
[5]
Patrick St. Michel: So committed to the joke that they almost make this plethora of pirate puns work. But then it just keeps going and going and going.
[3]
Anthony Easton: I have no idea if this is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, or a genius piece of reductive pop pleasure.
[9]
Ian Mathers: Oh, these guys know exactly what they’re doing.
[7]
Brad Shoup: Perhaps the only person happier about the Billboard chart changes is Baauer hisself. “Lemme Smang It” could have gone top 50 with a little coordination. (Not so “Why I Gotta Wait??”, the origin of the joke.) They’ve updated their sound with a flute trill, but otherwise “Pirate” is a standard Turquoise Jeep production. I see we’ve downgraded from “big booty and a smile” to plain old “booty,” which makes the blithe randiness a little harder to take. Bottom line: get better jokes and worse mustaches.
[4]