Not an R. Kelly cover (cancel the thinkpieces)…
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[4.80]
Katherine St Asaph: J.Lo isn’t wrong that she’s got an image problem, and to the haters probably comes off like Miss Carol on Rugrats, even before they know it’s Chris Brown writing things like “get off of me.” (I’m half-convinced this was meant as a Brown track and the one-note “same girl” part was tacked on later, possibly by Lopez as her credit; whatever demo track she’s singing from sits awkwardly with her voice.) But the thing is, again, nothing Lopez sings is wrong; the public does demand debasement from women it’s deemed insufficiently likable, and if Lopez protests too much it’s certainly not too much about that. And while Ryan Tedder (who according to dubiously-sourced iTunes-via-Wiki credits, may actually be going by “Ryghtous,” which I include because either way it’s hilarious) lets the strings congeal into syrup, the first minute or so is as invigorated as he’s ever sounded.
[6]
Brad Shoup: The team is doing its best to re-assert Lopez, joining an opening-credits soundscape to Chris Brown’s text of sloughed-off mortification. But her best hits minimized her singing and clipped her phrases. (They also eschewed these typically Tedder production monstrosities. It’s ideal not to set up a game she can’t win.) She sounds like her own karaoke tribute here, tough yet small against (what I assume are) backing vocalists owning the refrain. They could’ve called this song “Get Off of Me” and lost all the other vocals; I’d give that an [8], minimum.
[5]
Alfred Soto: Rarely has she found a beat that acts like the brown wrapper around her vanilla cupcake vocals, and now, savoir faire having deserted her, she allows Ryan Tedder and Chris Brown to paste together a track comprised of Kelly Rowland bits.
[3]
Anthony Easton: This is tight, where the vocals mean less than the Gatling gun percussion fucking up the cocktail piano. I never believed the “Jenny from the Block” shtick, but it becomes less of a farce when it is couched in such anger and loathing.
[8]
Daniel Montesinos-Donaghy: Lopez’s eye-rolling “I’m normal” sentiment returns from the early noughties and direct into a post-authenticity era. So why does this posturing need to resurface twelve years on from “Jenny from the Block”? Why does it matter, why should it matter? It sounds like she’s still going by the same tricks, because if it wasn’t for the bass and yelping yeahs smothered in the background, you would swear this was one step away from being salvaged with an Irv Gotti remix. Same girl, same tricks.
[3]
David Sheffieck: I was surprised to find myself won over by the production’s seemingly ill-advised mashup of AraabMuzik yelps and Ryan Tedder strings, but Lopez comes off as trying way, way too hard here. A little less insistence would be much more convincing, but she pushes so hard it makes “Jenny from the Block” seem retroactively suspect.
[4]
Patrick St. Michel: “Jenny From The Block” is far from a great song, yet the single’s strongest element is how unphased it sounds. Jennifer Lopez — and this was J.Lo in the early Aughts, when she was at her peak and, accordingly, most irrationally hated — just breezes through the song, everything skipping forward eyes closed. She made her case (yeah, I’m on Oprah, but whatever) and didn’t even give the detractors a chance to respond. It was the opposite of “Same Girl,” which is super defensive. Everything sounds bigger (strings! bass! Ryan Tedder helping to produce!) and Lopez’s lyrics are now preemptive strikes rather than shoulder shrugs. It has a good bounce to it, but everything feels so aggressive for a song where she wants to show off how little she cares.
[4]
Jer Fairall: Her obsession with realness was one of the great running jokes of post-millennial pop, but the featureless vocals, second-rate dance track and the defensive claims of authenticity finally offer confirmation: she is indeed the same girl she was in 2003.
[3]
Iain Mew: My experience of “Same Girl” is heavily influenced by how much the synth strings remind me of the courtroom lobby theme from the Ace Attorney video games. As a result I picture her getting ready for a trial, angrily denying once again that she changed her identity as part of a plan to provide an alibi for an over-complicated murder. It’s such a perfect fit for the song’s steely pomp that it can’t help but enhance the experience.
[7]
Megan Harrington: If my post-“Same Girl” YouTube perusal is to be trusted, I haven’t heard a J.Lo song in 15 years. Her newest doesn’t measure up to her turn of the century classics, but I offer a footnote of congratulations that she’s still so committed to that tight jeans/puffy bomber jacket look in the dead of winter. Same clothes, at least.
[5]