We just cannot agree on anything these days, eh?…

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[5.00]

Martin Kavka: The All Around The World label – which has released N-Trance, Cascada, and Dannii Minogue – tries to make money by butching it up, much as it did in 2007 with T2’s “Heartbroken.” This time, AATW’s claim to release the “biggest track of the year” is a song that seeks to start a dance craze. Doesn’t anyone remember previous dance crazes? Doop. Macarena! Eventually, they end up only being popular with pre-schoolers. As a result, AATW will soon have to put together a compilation entitled Kiddie Clubland, featuring its new stab at a hit, “Miss Muffet In the (Hokey) Pokey.”
[2]

Ian Mathers: Christ, when will rappers learn that jacking old nursery rhymes and childhood learning songs is just annoying, especially when accompanied by such a graceless synth and some enthusiastic jackass going “bubbley, bubbley”?
[3]

Dave Moore: This is probably as close as funky house is ever going to get to a bar mitzvah, somewhere between Crazy Cousinz “Bongo Jam” and the Hokey Pokey. Probably shouldn’t hold out for the Kidz Bop version, though.
[9]

Alex Macpherson: An object lesson in how hard it is to make a floorfiller based around a gimmicky dance craze which actually works – and also that when it does work, it may be the highest possible form of pop music. This works because as well as being hella catchy, the dancehall-inflected backing, with its trancey synth stabs and bubbling melody, is wild and frenetic in its own right. As for the dance, you couldn’t accuse KIG of over-complicating matters – the titular movements, plus “Ladies, lemme see you get down low!” are all you need to know- though it should be noted that it works the shit out of your thigh muscles, and a surprising degree of coordination is needed when it’s taken backwards. (Also: check out remixes from Crazy Cousinz and Donae’o, who rhymes “fire and brimstone” with “make the bed rock gyal like Flintstone”).
[10]

Doug Robertson: About a month or so there was a news report about this song on the telly. Admittedly it was on Channel 5, so this definition of news is about as loose as their definition of quality TV, but it still counts, and it’s always nice to see them try and engage with an audience who might be outside their usual “Hitler and Sharks” demographic. It’s just a shame that their brief flirtation with something more, and I put the quote marks here only because I’m sure they would too, ‘urban’ has to rest on something so childish and slight. It’s probably a YouTube phenomenon. These things normally are these days.
[4]

Additional Scores

Hillary Brown: [2]
Edward Okulicz: [4]
Martin Skidmore: [6]