Saw the video for “Confide in Me” again at the weekend. This isn’t quite as good…
[Video][Website]
[6.50]
Anthony Easton: Kylie’s product never changes, and we never expect it to.
[6]
Kat Stevens: Can something be disappointing if you knew it was going to be a bit rubbish beforehand? I guess there was a tiny corner of my brain that was crossing its neurons and hoping that there would be something more to this than the 30-second deflating balloon noise leaked a few weeks ago. It was a long shot, but maybe the wheezing teaser was just a tiny part of a glorious banging symphony of widdly noises that would fire up my nerve endings? Or if we were to be stuck with a three-note bibble fest, would it be too much to hope that Kylie might deliver another lovely wistful vocal that elevated “The One” from dullness into gorgeousness? Alas my gut was right and my amygdala was wrong.
[4]
Edward Okulicz: Another lead single written by Kish Mauve, also responsible for “2 Hearts”, known to me (and probably nobody else) as “0 Tune”. And so it goes — this sounds just divine, with Kylie at the height of her powers: a distant quiver of emotion, a little throb of heartbeat, a cheeky exultation (“dance!”); but this just seems so unsatisfyingly slight, like it’s a demo where they hadn’t quite finalised the tune or the words. Even the sumptuous, lush music, which swirls and teases in all the right ways, now sounds frustrating, because it needed a top-shelf song to do magic with. And it’s just wasted here.
[6]
Iain Mew: Light touch, sophisticated electro that gradually reveals itself to pack an emotional punch — the Kylie this most reminds me of is “I Believe in You” which is a very, very good thing. It’s not as flat-out ecstatic as that career highlight, but when the sparkly doubletime break kicks in it gets close.
[8]
Martin Skidmore: A gorgeous and classy slow-burn ecstatic electro-dance number, with Kylie singing it with superb judgement and restraint. The pulsing synths are lovely and compelling, and I find it genuinely uplifting, the kind of thing I would sway and wave my arms around to. I think this will be one of her megahits, and I will happily hear it all summer.
[10]
Mark Sinker: This layered build doubtless wants to remind me of Eno’s “I’ll Come Running” — if not DPurp’s “Smoke on the Water” — but KM’s pipes are just so pawky and weedy. I heart Kylie (as who human doesn’t) but she can’t carry off the still small voice within the whirlwind thing.
[5]
Tom Ewing: Her voice, always weak, is now absolutely dessicated — a thin, ghostly rustle which makes the semi-spoken parts into some kind of Miss Havisham nightmare. The music tries to make up with it with class and stateliness, but it can only do so much. There’s a tune in here — not a rousing or moving tune, but an elegant one — and Kylie does her best, but claiming this as ‘classic pop’ would be taking goodwill to the point of delusion.
[4]
Alfred Soto: As she ages, she approximates the chilly melancholia of late-period ABBA, emotionally ready to match blaring choral synths and the avidity of the lyrics. I shouldn’t be surprised by Kylie’s making better dance records than Madonna. Her limitations have given her lots of room to grow, whereas voice training has pinched Maddie’s empathetic range. Either way: more cream and sheen.
[7]
Pete Baran: Kylie is firmly in her Radio Two phase now. “All The Lovers” cements her position as a fixture in British pop, if it needed any more cement — the foundations were laid lovingly. This is a very pleasant track, which will bolster a rejigged Greatest Hits package without being anyone’s favourite song, and is cannily built to accommodate much more banging remixes. The only real unusual thing about it is the spoken word breakdown, where Kylie appears to be doing an impression of Valerie Singleton.
[6]
Matt Cibula: Talks a good game about fire and desire, but she sounds too ethereal to bring it home, and that drop-out section in the middle punches the rest of the song in the solar plexus. Still, what there is of this tune is pretty memorable and hooky, and I would be a churl to give it any lower grade.
[7]
Ian Mathers: “All the Lovers” really, really shouldn’t work this well; the lyrics are painfully generic, but Kylie’s impassioned performance and that keening synth gives them a weirdly powerful End of History sweep that meant that until I looked up said lyrics I assumed the song was about something very different than boring old “you’re so much better than everyone else I’ve been with.” On the surface, this isn’t very far from many of Kylie’s songs, or much of the competition, but there’s an assured majesty to both the music and the performance that manifests in a multitude of little touches (current favourite: the harmonies on “more”) and makes “All the Lovers” indelible.
[9]
Katherine St Asaph: One of those pretty-pretty anthems for fantasy clubs where everyone is Photoshopped, all the bathrooms are immaculate, and the “fire” Kylie mentions is really just red streamers. I bet it’d sound great after midnight, though, when it’s dark enough to pretend.
[6]