We really just aren’t very fond of Michael Jordan…
[Video][Website]
[2.86]
Rebecca A. Gowns: Make it stop.
[0]
David Turner: Mike Will’s dozen plus songs on the Hot 100 in 2013 isn’t the Neptunes from 1998-2002 or Babyface/L.A. Reid in 1989-1993, but it’s still very impressive. “23,” though, is by far the worst song of the bunch and it’s hard to pinpoint the blame. Wiz, a rapper I do like, does nothing here; Juicy J does the same amount of nothing; Mike Will tries one too many things with this beat as it fluctuates between a Mario level and a Three 6 Mafia song. Then there is Miley. *Sigh* Right now Miley is trading on the currency of a non-controversy of a career path treated as controversy, because she is a white teen star going “wild”. But she isn’t going “wild” — nothing provocative is happening except for maybe the VMAs, which was so racially misguided I can barely give her that. She is doing nothing with this moment. White privilege in the music industry fucking fanuted “Wrecking Ball” to #1, as its not-that-raw-or-bare and not-that-sexy video traded on an assumption of both to over 100 million views in a week. Maybe this is a mirror on our own culture. Maybe we should just break the mirror.
[2]
Brad Shoup: I never got into Jordans; they all looked like capybaras, and even if I could’ve afforded a pair of XIII Flints, my 10th-grade basketball team was bad enough without my footwear lending us an air of farce. I respect the collector game, though, but this roster is the definition of “spare parts”. The kicks-track ideal lists effortlessly; “23” gets three from Juicy J and just one from Cyrus. (Her reference is almost certainly secondhand: not because of gender or age, but because her appropriation game is not that immaculate.) Khalifa is, as we know, a Converse guy, and it shows: he has neither sneakers nor an MJ nugget to display. But like a pair of Tokyo23s stitched by the finest sweatshop hands, the song holds together. A melody that could code as menacing if mixed louder comes off as ruminative. Miley’s hook melody transcends her hoary puns. And Mike didn’t think himself out of having Juicy say “Js on my feet”. Your move, DJ Mustard.
[6]
Patrick St. Michel: Man, Mike WiLL Made It needs to find a new group of folks to run with.
[2]
Crystal Leww: Gosh, what a wonderful Mike WiLL beat totally wasted by the most basic of crews. Miley Cyrus stays sounding like everything but no one all at the same time in the worst possible way. Who is she trying to play this time around? Ke$ha? Rihanna again? That flow and intonation is ripped straight out of someone’s playbook, but it doesn’t sit right with her slight white Southern girl drawl. I wonder if Miley is pissed that she wasn’t included in Spring Breakers. Definitely, right? Whatever, she’ll 100% star in the direct-to-DVD sequel co-starring one of the dudes from Drake and Josh as a Justin Timberlake character and directed by Brett Ratner. (Thanks, Josh, for helping me brainstorm that.) Wiz Khalifa laughs, and that’s about the most charming thing he does with his time. Juicy J shouts out his “Show Out” work with Mike WiLL. Oh god, I’m just so bored with all of this. Mike WiLL and Nicki Minaj are suffering from the same problem: I would literally love to hear this song with only just them on it.
[3]
Jonathan Bogart: Juicy J is the only one of this crew old enough to remember Michael Jordan at his peak, not that you can tell from the performance; his bit doesn’t stand out any more than the rest of them. Miley’s sticking to her Rihanna impression, Wiz sounds so bored that he can’t even make his boredom productive, and Mike WiLL’s beat isn’t even very distinctive. If you’d told me it was Lex Luger I’d have nodded and forgotten about it. Just like I’m going to anyway.
[4]
Alfred Soto: Let’s face it: a different libretto and vocalist (let’s say, oh, Ciara) would have ridden Mike Will’s beat into the top ten. Let’s face it: this still might.
[3]