She beats Dappy this time…
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[3.17]
Iain Mew: This actually does a better job of “We Found Love” pop than Calvin Harris has been managing himself, turning all the cheap trance sounds into something a little powerful and fairly well fitting for Tulisa’s own blasting of the words. That doesn’t make it great, but it’s a positive. There’s something about the lyrics and their vague and unnecessary pleas for forgiveness which rubs me up the wrong way, though, particularly as a first solo move. They’re unsatisfying as a song, but there’s a bit more than that which is where it gets trickier. Perhaps even to acknowledge the tabloid habit to read all pop singles as autobiographical, never mind the particular context here, is helping them to win. It’s still unavoidably the context in which Tulisa has decided to release this and it’s dispiriting. The stark contrast to erstwhile bandmate Dappy, who had “No Regrets” despite some genuinely despicable behaviour, doesn’t help.
[4]
Katherine St Asaph: I’m not convinced a human’s capable of this track. It’s impossible. To even come close, you’d have to hook an overheated Vocaloid up to a hard drive with the collected works of Calvin Harris (once compressed, a few kilobytes) and the collected Internet blabbings of millennials (a petabyte, minimum.) I guess you could call such a contraption young. But certainly not fun.
[2]
Anthony Easton: I will forgive you because you are young, but I will not forgive you for being filled with such terrible Eurohouse. I am also worried that you have become such bad Eurohouse. Go listen to Giorgio Moroder and get back to me.
[2]
Brad Shoup: Pop apologies are the best. Generally, someone saying sorry for their youth triggers my (and probably your) bullshit meter, but Tulisa delivers her exculpation with this desperate gulp, with a believably defensive emphasis on key syllables. It’s sad and mighty and empathetic, and handily survives the Calvin Harrisism of the track’s inevitable lift.
[7]
Alfred Soto: “We don’t even compromise” – she doth protest too much. “I scream at the top of my lungs” – you wish.
[1]
Alex Ostroff: I can’t decide what’s less forgivable: that Tulisa hired people who weren’t Calvin Harris and for some reason instructed them to make ‘Young’ sound like Calvin Harris, or that someone who is 23 – almost a full year younger than me — feels the need try so damn hard to appear young. Shall we count the ways? (1) Sunglasses, (2) Friday-style sitting in the front/back seat, (3) rollerblading, (4) frolicking with baby goats, (5) hotel pillow fights, (6) tagging modern art with graffiti, (7) dancing awkwardly. This shit is more awkward than the entire album campaign for Avril’s The Best Damn Thing.
[3]