UK rapper scores unlikely hit (i.e. I have no idea who this man is)…
[Video][Website]
[4.62]
Martin Skidmore: He’s clumsy, she is less sexy than she thinks, the music pumps mechanically, and the lyric is painfully fatuous, from the cliched sex metaphor to the feeble internet references.
[2]
Chuck Eddy: These nincompoops can’t seem to decide whether they want to be Jamaican, Brazilian, British, American, or Continental European. All of which makes this too silly and schizzy to hate on, even if Aggro is named after the stupidest slang word ever. I assume he’s not trying to be funny when he geekily recites his URL, but I chuckle anyway.
[6]
Tom Ewing: According to Alexa aggrosantos.com is the 1,273,329th most popular site on the Internet. Which is over a million places behind comparethemeerkat.com, to name this single’s closest advertorial equivalent. Keep trying, Aggro! Actually the shoehorned internet bit is by far the funniest and best part of this (quite jolly) single so maybe he should jack it in and go into Spotify ad production.
[5]
Kat Stevens: I have now visited aggrosantos.com, and was not impressed at the auto-starting embedded video player, with a broken pause button so I couldn’t shut the bloody thing off. Also the XHTML does not validate to W3C standards – there are countless unclosed tags, missing ‘alt’ attributes for images, absolutely shocking. Having a Named Pussycat Doll plastered over the site does not make up for shoddy element nesting! Perhaps when Aggro gets round to sorting out aggrosantos.co.uk he’ll use a DOCTYPE of ‘Transitional’ instead of ‘Strict’ and then he won’t have to worry about deprecated tags.
[5]
Doug Robertson: Name checking websites in lyrics doesn’t sound any less awkward now than it did back when the internet first started to wrap its cyber tendrils around the world of popular culture, although there’s probably more mileage in that than being a former Pussycat Doll. Yes, Britney’s good, and yes, Britney’s successful, but you do realise there are other top selling acts you can rip off if you want to try and carve your own unique furrow in this world?
[3]
Mark Sinker: “I wish that I were a Bubble Gum” was how Aqua sang this same dark-silly idea (exotic techno-glitter girl lures cockney rap-dandy boy; CRD boy circles TGG girl; who devours? you decide): “so fly with me to Bountyland.” They want to be naggingly simple but they don’t trust themselves to keep to simple: three distinct times they look to hit a groove and a new space and colour, and each time they distract themselves with another cute noise-layer or speech-notion they should certainly have kept for something else, and drop back to trudge.
[6]
Frank Kogan: No shortage of sugar chewies this year, but this one’s sweeter and easier than most, Sir Aggro and Lady Leg happy to just be icing atop the beat.
[8]
Anthony Easton: To be afraid of the candy man would suggest that the candy was dangerous, in the same sense that to be invited to enter her world (virtually or IRL) would suggest the candy was sweet; this song is bitter and safe, not a particularity seductive combo.
[2]