And what would 2015 be without Fake Mustard? Higher-scoring, that’s what…
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[3.00]
Micha Cavaseno: “THIS AIN’T DJ MUSTARD!” Trust me fam, nobody was thinking Mustard would use a synthline so flat. As far as run-of-the-mill ratchet attempts go, this is fine, but Ugly Duck turns headless chicken and runs into the beat so many times he forgets that you kind of have to pay attention to that “CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP” breakdown and maybe switch your flow to er, match it? Anyway, Jay Park does his thing with a sea of wolf-whistles and come-ons which work if he’s trying to match 2 Chainz’ level of corniness.
[4]
Madeleine Lee: Jay Park deserves credit for being one of the first Korean idol stars to demand recognition as a skilled rapper, way before Block B, BTS, and the current wave of credibility-seeking idol rappers. That said, this is the first time I’m actually okay with him doing the rapping on his own song instead of handing it off to someone else. Finally I can hear what he has to offer as a rapper beyond just competence and native English, with a verse that’s American in its metaphors and Korean in its onomatopoeia. As an AOMG-and-friends group cut that kept Mr. Co-CEO to the singing parts only, it would be either the exact same song or a better one (Zico’s in the video — imagine him pogoing over this), but for once, Jay’s rapping is not the worst part of this. Here are the worst parts of this: 1. The video is creepy and uncomfortable to watch, as creepy and uncomfortable as the big ass = foreign parents conceit used by both rappers. Jay’s body gets filmed in the same oily close-up style as the models’, but at least his face is in the shots. Stick to making videos about utopic Asian-American romance, dude. 2. Nobody made a “Gray poupon” joke. COME ON!
[4]
Crystal Leww: East Asian pop has a long and tumultuous history of appropriating from black music and also being stupidly racist about it, but I honestly never expected this sort of fetishization of black forms on Asian bodies. I guess it’s slightly better than getting a bunch of black women to twerk, but this is still gross and bad. Oh, song sucks, too.
[1]
Brad Shoup: Astoundingly corny, and racist to boot. At least Ugly Duck is terrible at staying on-beat, though.
[2]
Thomas Inskeep: DJ Mustard-jocking K-Rap that, like much of Mustard’s work, is too minimalist for its own good. A little beat, some chants, a rap, and that’s about it for the most (least) part.
[4]
Ramzi Awn: 2:40-2:49 is where it’s at. Clean as a whistle. The rest is disposable.
[3]