Imagine if Mania had actually been successful…

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[6.70]
Edward Okulicz: Xenomania! Possibly co-written by Annie! In 2005, this would have probably caused me to explode with delight without even hearing it. Surprisingly, given the patchy recent output of its creators, “Tokyo” is an absolute riot — nonsense lyrics, cheesy faux-Asian touches and a beat that recalls Mel & Kim as much as its vocalists do. The chorus is ridiculously catchy, and rewards repeat listens, drilling ever further into your skull — this is an absolute smash. 2009 has until now been sorely lacking proper brassy European girl-pop which compromises neither on melody nor relentlessness. And the Pete Hammond retro mix is epic.
[10]
Keane Tzong: I’ve listened to this forty times in the last couple of weeks and I still have no idea what words they’re singing. It doesn’t matter; this is delicious, ridiculous Xenomania nonsense and I get the sense that even if each word were perfectly enunciated the lyrics wouldn’t make any more sense to me than they do now. That said, if they’re actually singing “I keep it tight ’cause I know you really like that” — and as far as I’m concerned, they are — well, that gets the points right there.
[9]
Tom Ewing: Once Xenomania tunes ran through their conflicting ideas with an easy confidence. But Mini Viva are shrill, and that Xeno brashness feels like bluster. I feel like a tiny pixie is prodding me in the calf squeaking “This is POP! POP do you hear me POP!” with an ugly sense of entitlement.
[4]
Jessica Popper: At last the Mini Viva campaign is properly kicking into gear, and if all goes well they’ll soon be the pop superstars they have the potential to become. Of course, such potential is not always filled, and the music industry is a very unpredictable one, but if I had to bet on one of Girls Can’t Catch and Mini Viva being the next big girlband, I’d definitely go for Mini Viva. The video is as sparkly and exciting as the song and the girls themselves, and wouldn’t be out of place on The Box ten years ago, so Mini Viva are definitely a throwback to the good old days of girly pop bands. I don’t think they’re the next Spice Girls, but they’ll do a great job of filling in while Girls Aloud are on hiatus.
[9]
Martin Skidmore: They’re decent singers, with a sharpness in one voice that I like, but the track sounds rather too much like a moderate old disco number (it could be a B-side to Cerrone’s “Supernature”, say) without enough of the huge, irresistible pop punch of Xenomania’s best work. Then again, the silly chorus may easily hook me before long, and the bubbling bass and synths on this are likeable.
[8]
Hillary Brown: The chorus may be an 8, a little firework burst of joy and pop, but the rest of the song has too many moments of repetition and stagnation, dragging it down to a mere 6 overall.
[6]
Pete Baran: Really nice production, which unfortunately doesn’t mask the dreariness of the verses. It’s “Japanese Boy” for the noughties, as sanitized as that entails. Mini Viva do not convince me that they have been to Yo Sushi!, let alone Japan.
[4]
Iain Mew: This has so many elements of a fantastic pop song: it’s instant and memorable, its singers’ enthusiasm and personality shine through and lend a certain off-hand brilliance to unlikely lines (“He’s getting me and my thing”?), it fits a whole bunch of dazzling electro ideas together very well… something about it makes me feel a little uneasy, though. Someone knows or cares enough to put together this faux-Japanese promo sleeve, but the song itself has no sense of place beyond a hand-wave in an Eastern direction. There’s the title phrase, the most clichéd of musical references and… that’s it. It feels like chasing credit just for mentioning Tokyo (because everyone loves Japan, right?) and leaves a slightly odd taste that prevents the song from reaching the heights it should.
[7]
Alex Macpherson: What’s the point of locating the narrative in Tokyo, emphasising it to the extent of putting it in the title, if you’re not going to bother making any other reference to the city in the whole song? And do you even know that Tokyo has two rivers? One gets the impression that Tokyo means precisely nothing to either Mini Viva or Xenomania beyond three syllables which happen to scan. The melody aspires to little more than catchiness; it attains this, but is backed up by a preset production job and performed perfunctorily by two thin-voiced nonentities. Mini Viva make a nonsense of Brian Higgins’ recent claim about how difficult it is to be granted the chance to work with Xenomania. Then again, given how lazy this song is, maybe no one else wants to.
[4]
Kat Stevens: If you’re suffering from Xenomania fatigue — or perhaps just disappointed that they’ve wasted an opportunity to make these charming lasses even better than Daphne & Celeste by giving them a song ten years out of date — then I heartily recommend listening to the completely batshit Acid Girls remix, which keeps the ‘Forbidden Colours’ bit at the beginning and then descends into Flat Eric fart madness.
[6]