Masturbating panda is masturbating…
[Video][Website]
[4.00]
Chuck Eddy: They’ve always been somewhat hilarious — their guttural machine metal is over-the-top by definition, and their one true American hit “Du Hast” really wasn’t all that far from Trio’s “Da Da Da” wordwise — but this seems like the first time these aging Aryans have so obviously played their Sprockety pedigree for belly laughs on purpose. “Fahrvegnugen,” “Autobahn,” “blitzkrieg,” “schiezekopf,” “bratwurst in mein sauerkraut”: jawohl, pretty much every Deutsch word this side of “Heil Hitler” your average ugly American (and maybe Britisher, and Australian?) might be expected to recognize. Not to mention “I can’t get laid in Germany”! It’s like they’re playing their own Weird Al, though come goofy-dirty-chorus time the humor actually more makes me think Gogol Bordello, and the melody reminds me of the Virgin Prunes’ “Pagan Love Song.” But no matter how you slice it, give or take Das Racist (who aren’t German) and The Lonely Island, this is the funniest new song I’ve heard in 2009. And Rammstein’s umlaut rock loses no power for the punchlines, or for their least subtle hooks ever.
[9]
Mordechai Shinefield: Over Sukkot, a middle school student who found out I write about music asked me if I had ever heard Rammstein’s “Feuer Frei,” and his father asked me if Rammstein were Nazis. I understood the sentiment; they often sound angry, full of fury, and looking for some weak people to push around. So it’s kinda weird to hear “Pussy” where they just complain about their inability to “get laid in Germany.” They do angry okay, but sexy not so well; “You’ve got a puss-ee / I’ve got a dick-a / So what’s the problem? / Let’s do it quick.” I think the term “dick-a” might be one problem.
[2]
Edward Okulicz: I love Rammstein. Really, I do. I stuck with them through their high-larious jingoistic parody, their song about cannibalism and god knows, a duet with Sharleen Spiteri (really, it was good!) but a succession of bilingual knob and vadge gags with no particular point is a bit much for me, and I like knob and vadge gags. There are loud guitars but no riffs, no hooks, no substance; if this is an actual genuine joke (like irony) it’s misguided and badly executed and comes across just as a series of tepid attempts to get a reaction. From a maligned but interesting and worthy band, this is equivalent to them running around in trenchcoats flashing old ladies. No, wait, this is totally some Kindergarten Cop shit: “Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina”. Oh, wirklich?
[1]
Jonathan Bradley: One point for “Bratwurst.” One point for “Sauerkraut.” (One is being inserted into the other.) No points for setting me up to make tired jokes about this being actually very erotic if you’re a German.
[2]
Matt Cibula: Factoring out the video, this is like a song done by some eighth-grade kids that gets shut down by the assistant principal before it gets performed at the Battle of the Bands. “Oh come on dude, I thought we had freedom of speech or whatever!” Then they perform it later at a party and still don’t get laid. In Germany.
[5]
Doug Robertson: If this is intended as parody then it’s so lame that even Katy Brand would have doubts about including it in her show. If this is genuine then, no matter what language you choose to use, there are few words to describe the sheer unpleasantness of what’s on display here. I really hope it is a joke, as the alternative doesn’t bear thinking about.
[2]
Pete Baran: A thoroughly reprehensible track which manages to create the spectre of an imaginary 1977 porn movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and directed by Roman Polanski. And for all of its schoolboy sexuality, it’s a bit soft and lame for a Rammstein tune.
[2]
Hillary Brown: Oh, Rammstein. You’re so refreshingly direct. I prefer it when you don’t even bother to slip into disco for a little bit to sugar-coat your intentions, but every time I hear one of your songs, I become determined anew to buy one of your records.
[6]
John Seroff: Prime doofus novelty fodder with a genuinely catchy hook, an Aphex-influenced XXX video, absurdly campy German (“Steck Bratwurst in dein Sauerkraut”? “Reise, reise, fahrvergnügen”?) and a baldly puerile chorus that makes Mr. Bungle look urbane by comparison. More Dr. Demento than truly demented and not good for much more than raising a chuckle from your inner thirteen-year old but, if you’re not picky about how you get your kicks, it’s certainly worth a quickie.
[6]
Additional Scores
Anthony Easton: [7]
Martin Skidmore: [2]