App Store: 1. Drug Dealers: 0.
[Video][Website]
[4.80]
Jonathan Bradley: Last time Weezy and Rozay hooked up it was for a bland gangsta banger that sounded like it was intended to be dramatic but was instead dreary. “9 Piece” remedies that fault by being completely fucking ignant. Given this is Rick Ross we’re talking about, as well as a post-prime Weezy, fucking ignant is the best thing this collab could be. “9 Piece” starts where last summer’s “BMF” left off and gets dumber. Lex Luger! A gunshot every bar! Calling attention to your beginner-level “dead in the living room” pun! Degrading a sharp Pusha-T quip just to say “8 Ball” over and over again! SELLING DRUGS WITH AN IPHONE!
[8]
Martin Skidmore: After loving “Hustlin'” I’d been unconvinced by Ross’s rather leaden rapping, but I like this a lot. The dark Lex Luger production has big restrained power, and suits Ross’s pace and solidity, with accompanying lack of nimbleness, very well. The lyrics are pretty limited and repetitive, and Wayne isn’t the perfect partner, a little too drawly and laid back for the beat, but at least his lyric adds a bit of freshness.
[8]
Hazel Robinson: Dude, you ain’t selling weed straight off your iPhone: the app store’d never stand for that. And you’re not convincing anyone by picking a beat that overrides both voices here – laidback rap, it transpires, does not sound at all threatening against a reload-and-shoot.
[4]
Brad Shoup: Dudes need to reduce the smoke-hold; those lungs are giving them gonorrhea flows. Leaving aside the dual crimes of getting high off your supply and repeating the joke Leno-style (“Get it? Leave ’em dead in THE LIVING ROOM”), this is pretty dreadful. Begone, croak-rap.
[1]
Michaela Drapes: I realize that Rick Ross is supposed to be menacing, perhaps – he’d probably not want to know that I find him kind of huggable, even in his big bad drug dealer persona. Especially here – there’s a point around the three minute mark when even Ross and Weezy can’t keep straight faces for much longer. As their delivery becomes increasingly more ridiculous, it’s clear they’re going to crack up at any moment. Then the punch line: That shit stepped on! I love that in Rick Ross’ world being sloppy with the product is grounds for ridicule.
[6]
Josh Langhoff: Oh, NOW I get it: leave ’em DEAD in the LIVING room. That’s the real drive-in-a-parkway park-in-a-driveway shit right there.
[0]
Alfred Soto: Yeah, yeah, we get it: you got 8 BALLS. Leave’em dead in the LIVING ROOM. Hilarious. Last year’s “BMF” was bombastic-funny. With a beat anesthetized to a crawl, we’re left IN THE LIVING ROOM with two children watching YouTube clips of Ross and Wayne in 2007. Useful as an exercise in dada.
[3]
Ian Mathers: You know, it doesn’t matter what Rick Ross is actually like; as long as his flow is so breathlessly fervid, so gracelessly, bluntly repetitive, so relentlessly monomaniacal, listening to one of his (good) songs is always going to be like being trapped in a closet with a grizzy bear batting your head back and forth. His performances are just so UGLY in a way that you’d normally have to do Death Grips-level stuff to get at. It’s why every so often you’ll read someone claiming that Ross is secretly avant-garde, but whether intentionally bruising or just limited in his talents, he’s inimitable. Thank God.
[7]
Michelle Myers: I don’t even care what happens after the opening couplet of this song, that’s how good it is. But, if you’re wondering, the rest of the song is pretty good too.
[8]
Andy Hutchins: I want to meet the drug dealer who sells the entirety of his inventory from his iPhone. I mean, there’s gotta be a scale app. The guy could certainly do all his marketing and customer relations with it. (Set up an anonymous Tumblr!) And if one needs to cut the dope, one could probably do worse than the flat back of one of the newer iPhones. Unfortunately, that is not a good bar, and Ross’ “B.M.F.” flow is a sign of corpulence at this post. Wayne trying to convince people that he sells is not a good posture, either.
[3]