We gave them nothing at all, and still they’re in our way…
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[4.11]
Alex Ostroff: I should really stop doubting my little sister. Her love for Fall Out Boy peaked six months before I retroactively realized that they were secretly a funnier Los Campesinos! with sugar pop hooks and blue-eyed souls. For the past two years, she’s insisted that Marianas Trench were worth my time; I’ve been busy sneering at them for being CanCon FOB copycats with less craft and more creepy. And so we find ourselves in 2012 — post-“Call Me Maybe” (how badly did we underrate that?), post-Soul Punk — and my poor heart will only surrender. Josh Ramsay’s voice is whinier than Patrick Stump in his prime, and there’s a bit too much obvious vocal treatment for my taste, but I was never going to be able to resist pop-punk disco hi-hats for long. And, sure, Ramsay’s bon mots aren’t quite as clever as Pete Wentz’s, but “for a first effort, this / feels kinda last-ditch” is well-constructed and well-punctuated, and he’s at least 50% responsible for everyone’s favorite song of 2011-in-Canada/2012-in-America, so he gets a pass. I’m not sure if I’m ready to delve into their fairy-tale concept albums or whatever, but Patrick Stump is retired from recording music for now and Pete Wentz is making electro-reggae, so desperate times etc.
[8]
Will Adams: Desperate times call for desperate treble.
[2]
Katherine St Asaph: A while ago Alex and I were talking about soulDecision’s “Faded” and how nobody realized at the time how utterly creepy it was. Cut to now, and fellow Canadian boy band Marianas Trench, hyper-compressed and cocky and singing “have a piece of American dream / open up and swallow, on your knees,” which you really don’t want to put in context. (If that’s a clue for this becoming their post-Carly Rae U.S. push, fuck everything forever.) Today’s tweens have some excruciating YouTubing awaiting them in ten years — but this time, the embarrassment will be musical too.
[2]
Patrick St. Michel: There are far worse songs to bite the melody from than “Teenage Dream,” but Marianas Trench doesn’t add anything to make me not just think about the Katy Perry song. Plus, the lead singer should stop with the screeches and should make his lyrics a little less icky. “I’ve got you right where I want you” doesn’t sound charming in any context.
[4]
Edward Okulicz: The verses sound like the chorus of “Haven’t Had Enough,” and the track has the same pseudo-funk pop-punk guitars with the expected diminishing returns. What Pete Wentz made seem effortless, Josh Ramsay makes sound as difficult as it no doubt is; his word choices lag his skill with kinky scansion. The biggest problem is that there’s just too damn much going on in the mix — too many backing vocals doing not nearly enough over the chorus.
[3]
Brad Shoup: If it’s all right with y’all, I’m going to imagine this song’s from Carly Rae’s point of view. It’s fine if it’s just a poison-pen letter from the Trench; the bitterness lies well on my tongue. The hooks aren’t as convincing as the venom, but I have to admit they’re on the right path to a weird little pop/rock career.
[7]
Iain Mew: I guess I shouldn’t be surprised now that they can write fantastic pop hooks. The way that “Desperate Measures” so expertly treads the fine emo line between gleeful sneering and being too much of a dick to bear is a nice surprise, though. Also, no Google results for “Marianas Trench” “Fall Oot Boy” – really?
[8]
Alfred Soto: From the whine to the multitracked vocals to the power chords enabling passive aggression aggressively enough to make Katy Perry grin, this is garbage. “Minor surgery” will make a rock star out of him? Which is why socialized medicine remains a chimera.
[0]
Anthony Easton: Begging for sex is the most rock and roll gesture ever.
[3]