…until we weren’t.
[4.00]
Ian Mathers:
Yeah, we might as well do this. If I didn’t know this was Fucking Drake I might not have guessed. Did he get hit so hard his voice changed again?
[2]
Jonathan Bradley:
Well, he’s a fan, isn’t he? A student of the game. No one likes getting notes, but Kendrick said he liked Drake with the melodies, and here’s Drake with some melodies. Kendrick poked at him for his fake-mafioso turn, and suddenly Drake’s flirting at the club again rather than whispering threats at haters and backstabbers. Kendrick nixed Drake’s chances of running to Atlanta for a hit, so Drake named the first track on his new record after Toronto’s tallest building and shouts out the Great One in his “Nokia” hook. Really, this is the right thing to do. Don’t ever say Drizzy won’t respond to critical feedback; he had a series of horrible quarters over the past year, and returning to foundational strengths and focusing on his core market is a wise move to reassure investors. And yet, “Nokia” is bo-o-ring. Drake can make hits. Drake make bangers. Drake can probably no longer make song about his particular model of arrogant youthful anxiety; the clock has passed on that one. But Drake can make lithe and weightless club joints that feel like nothing yet stick like chewing gum. But “Nokia” isn’t “Pop Style” or “One Dance” or “Controlla,” and it’s especially not “Hold On, We’re Going Home.” It’s not Drake when he made songs; it’s just more of Drake in his content era, only now he’s switched his tenor from frowny-face to party mode. (The “CN Tower” song is pretty neat though; it’s like 2013 Tumblr made a parody of one of his tracks.)
[3]
Jacob Sujin Kuppermann:
Maddeningly catchy, very stupid, undeniably fun —this is nothing more than a premium mediocre upgrade to Jack Harlow. Unfortunately, this is the best case scenario for a Drake single in 2025.
[6]
Taylor Alatorre:
A 2025 collaborative album with PartyNextDoor feels like a contractual obligation that Drake shrugged into existence years ago, one that his lawyers couldn’t afford to push back any further. In reality, of course, we know that he sincerely loves the guy and his increasingly crass album art. The 6-to-1 ratio of solo Drake to solo PND tracks on Some Sexy Songs hints at the true motivation behind the project, which is stealth legacy-building. Aubrey desperately needs for there to be a “Toronto sound” which he can be seen as having shepherded, because a king is nothing without his court. If that requires wearing one of his signees like an accessory and slapping some Mississauga architecture on the cover, then so be it. “Nokia” is a bright spot in this slog of an album because, freed from the burdens of scene representation, Drake is allowed to act in full carnival barker mode, tossing out hooks and callbacks and groan-inducing clichés like a fired-up mascot launching T-shirts at the crowd. Not only does he approach the song as a box-checking exercise, he flaunts his transparency in doing so — “drinks, jokes, sex, and cash” is his “fuck being rational, give ’em what they asked for.” There’s a more limber and malleable pair of dance beats than on the gratefully forgotten Honestly, Nevermind, and long solid stretches of earthy Not Drake vocals to serve as a palate cleanser. He even twice calls himself a whore if you read the lyric in the maximally self-abasing way, which of course I do. Nowhere is this trying to approach even the vicinity of a masterpiece, but it’s enough to prop up the permission structure for those with latent Drake-tolerating tendencies, a status which is beginning to seem as countercultural as being a yacht rock fan was in 2006.
[7]
Tim de Reuse:
Does anyone else feel a horrible pinprick chill on the back of their neck when he over-pronounces every syllable of the phrase “Let Me See You Do Your Dance” like he’s doing a Weird Al-style parody of himself?
[0]
Katherine St. Asaph:
Drake constructing a single around the hook “baby girl” in 2025 really strikes a chord. I am rationalizing this score with the fact that Drake was doing weird shit with minors at least since 2010, and in his subsequent 15-year predatory career he has released dozens of songs that were worse than this. That doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.
[5]
Al Varela:
The sad truth about Drake and his career prospects post-“Not Like Us” is that he can absolutely survive and continue being a hitmaker as long as he does one thing: Make the songs good. Unfortunately, in the case of “Nokia,” he did make the song good. So he’ll probably be fine. We shall shake that ass for Drake once more.
[7]
Nortey Dowuona:
I like this beat and producer/writer Elkan a whole lot, but he’s no Scott Bridgeway. (If you hurt this sweet soul, Aubrey, i wi-
[5]
Jeffrey Brister:
Drake pretending to be hard has always been embarrassing. He’s always been painfully earnest, corny and endearing when he was pushing that angle. Doing the put-on gangster thing is just that much more pitiful after enduring the most thorough bodying in history.
[2]
Melody Esme:
I wonder if he titled the song “Nokia” to subliminally make you think he can’t be broken. It’s hard to be convinced when his “Stop teasing me!”’s sound so authentic. Either way, I’m glad Drake brushed the dirt off his shoulder and went back to doing what he does best: barely-trying his way into the Billboard top 10.
[3]
Leah Isobel:
Hang it up, flatscreen.
[3]
Jel Bugle:
It’s alright: low-effort rap, goes on a bit, it’s really okay!
[6]
Mark Sinker:
The Jukebox (as one): dude we will never stop teasing you
[3]