Brianna Perry ft. T-Pain – Mascara Tears

Let’s all play the Pray For A Remix waiting game…

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[5.09]Kat Stevens: An endearing mix of frustration and regret from Brianna as she muses on the Issues Of Today. Meanwhile, T-Pain is cramming in as many well-meaning but ultimately unhelpful syllables as he can, before the loungey beat gently reminds him that the next line is due, like, anytime now. As soon as he’s finished mansplaining to Brianna how he’s going to sort her problems out for her. Whenever you’re ready, T-Pain. No rush.
[7]

Anthony Easton: I grok the melodramatic pain of a woman’s narrative being cast as a class-based feminist anthem — and welcome it — but the strong vocals and Perry’s delivery are often overwhelmed by T-Pain (which seems symbolic). [8] for her, [3] for him.
[6]

Zach Lyon: Sometimes it’s this much of a tragedy to be so close to being on the verge of being on the verge that you have to take your T-Pain collabs when he’s handed to you. Sticking a male voice in a song like this isn’t an automatic demerit — surely a duet that alternates her strife and genuine emotional support from a lover or friend (the role Teddy should be taking in the alternate universe where this song is great) would stand in unique territory. But what we get are these verses of melancholy that occasionally have me close to tears, and they’re just getting yanked around by some other dude at the bar who wants to show her the “right” definition of “beating the pussy up”. She doesn’t seem to acknowledge him… actually, it sounds like his part was just added in a sloppy, quick remix. Strangest thing is that with the beat and with her slow cadence, I can’t stop comparing it to Kanye’s early ballads; of course Kanye never had to deal with a guest spot this ruinous.
[6]

Iain Mew: That awkward moment when you start basing your lyrics on tired Facebook memes.
[5]

Jer Fairall: The thoughtful defiance in Perry’s delivery, the slight discordance of the piano refrain, the melodramatic strings and the exhausted, mournful drum loop all point towards the pathos that might have elevated this particular issue song beyond the realm of “The More You Know” and into that of an actually affecting piece of storytelling. T-Pain’s usual buffoonery predictably ruins everything, though, all the more insufferable here for his trying to play it straight, like the class clown turning suddenly and unctuously “sincere” when he starts crushing on one of his smarter, prettier classmates.
[4]

Alfred Soto: Brianna’s awkward sing-rap can’t animate this cautionary tale, which forces T-Pain to overdo the mechanized pathos. What a muddle.
[3]

Daniel Montesinos-Donaghy: There are few sounds in this world that have me stupidly grinning quite like T-Pain’s circus-robot voice, but he is the wrong match for Perry’s humanist-feminist observations of good-time gals when he yowls about “the wrong definition of beating that pussy UP!” It also forces the song out of Perry’s well-intentioned hands and into a blunt-force male-saviour POV, which is just ughhhhhh.
[4]

Crystal Leww: One of the best things about “Marilyn Monroe” was Brianna’s feminine swagger and her ability to be confident without feeling the need to validate that with the boys. Not every track has to be about being a brash woman, but I hate that T-Pain sings the hook here. He plays the role as the knight in shining armor, the “nice guy” who will “treat you right”. He’s a patronizing presence in a song about the struggles of being a woman.
[3]

Patrick St. Michel: The verses are a pained reflection on being taken advantage of, Brianna Perry selling the sadness of the story well in front of those dejected strings. But the hook is… out of place? T-Pain sounds as T-Pain as ever, and here he swoops in as the knight in shining armor offering up advice and even offering to talk to the dude. For a song that tackles heavy issues so well, the chorus seems like a tacked on happy ending.
[6]

Ramzi Awn: Mascara emotions are having a moment, and the reference is about as fresh as the charming “beat that pussy up.” “Mascara Tears” sounds fine enough, and the outside-the-car sonics ft. black leather outfits and cigarettes work in its favor. But overall, the auto-tune feels dated and Perry’s voice could have been put to better use.
[5]

Brad Shoup: Were you ever tired of T-Pain? Why? I missed his grimaces and sighs, the way he hacks out utterances and breathes in binary. Perry’s on her Rozay, only with empathy: the enunciation’s the same, and so is the carefree homonym dropping. She and Teddy are on two different songs, or maybe she’s the gentle parent and he’s the avenging one. Both approaches sound pretty good to me.
[7]