An early entry into #fakekanyesongtitles…
[Video][Website]
[4.89]
Rebecca A. Gowns: I like this guy, and I like this song. It has cool sounds in it — it samples a level from Goldeneye, and that’s pretty clever. I like his other songs (like this one) a lot more, but I can see this staying on the charts for a while, so that bodes well for Trinidad James, at least.
[7]
Alfred Soto: His timbre evokes Ludacris, the synth string stabs any number of histrionic Eminem clones, his verses any number of numbers.
[3]
Patrick St. Michel: The part where Trinidad James says “popped a molly I’m sweatin'” and then says the same line again, as if he’s become enchanted by his own writing and decides he better say it again because it’s that good. It’s the moment from “All Gold Everything” that really stands out, and the part that has become a slight Internet meme and probably earned a spot on LeBron’s iPod. It’s also the best part of an otherwise middling song that started growing tedious before Trinidad pops that molly, and fails to do anything interesting afterwards.
[4]
Iain Mew: From the title I pictured this being something like a gold-themed “Bogotá”. I guess it isn’t fair to hold its failure on that front against it, but even going for “in God I trust” without taking the gold pun option is disappointing. The bigger problem is that “All Gold Everything” is just generally a bit directionless, not presenting anything bad but not presenting anything memorable either.
[5]
Crystal Leww: The catchphrase “Popped a molly; I’m sweatin. WOO!” is bigger than the song and bigger than Trinidad James himself. You can see LeBron James mouthing it during pre-game warmups. You can hear bros laughing about it in sushi restaurants. You can find it used in every other internet meme, too. It’s a shame because “All Gold Everything” is actually a whole lot of fun, too. Trinidad’s deliberate delivery means that words that shouldn’t sound good together actually do. For example, he rhymes with “dark skinned” with “Asian,” “aboutchea'” with “populea’,” “this” with “checklist.” It’s okay, though, because he’s so good that I don’t notice and pretty soon I’m too busy shouting along to “Popped a molly; I’m sweatin’. WOO!” to care.
[7]
Al Shipley: Everytime hip-hop fans who don’t hold everything to a rigid Illmatic standard of polysyllabic verbosity try to advance a conversation about enjoying different kinds of lyricists for different reasons, some bullshit comes along that stops the whole argument dead in its tracks. One long verse that barely rhymes but a couple times at all, and I’m still waiting to hear what’s so great the turgid instrumental.
[1]
Daniel Montesinos-Donaghy: “All Gold Everything” reached its saturation point maybe amonth ago — the Lebron lipsync video, 2 Chainz rapping in an English accent onits remix, every molly joke that comes to mind — so now we are left with thesong behind a cultural phenomenon. When the song is no longer synonymous with hype,you’ll be surprised at however in the world James’ gonzo ramble became a hit. It’s a song of murmured adlibs, cartoonish attempts at menaceand reminiscing on Nintendo 64 videogames. It shouldn’t work. Hell, I will behonest right now — it doesn’t work. It can’t work. And yet, the entire world isstraight flexin’. (Wooooo.) The worldsure does love catchphrases.
[5]
Brad Shoup: My god, that hook! Is it problematic yet? If Goldeneye had been a MMORPG, I guarantee you 80% of these lines would have typed by a 14-year-old by two Aprils ago.
[5]
Jonathan Bradley: “All Gold Everything” isn’t lavish or even crass: the palpable feeling here, more than anything else, is one of sour nausea. The chords manifest in woozy slow motion, with echoing, clipped-short wails stretched to fill the gaps between, and a sick mechanical whirring sputtering in whenever the lurch begins to lag. “This song for them fuck niggas who hating on you this summer” is the lyric’s final dedication; for James, living well is the best revenge only in that it’s a more refined method of schadenfreude.
[7]