OH SHIT SHAQ’S BEEFING WITH ME!…
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[5.33]
Jonathan Bogart: The wheedling aw-shucks sentiment is so at odds with the tuff-ass stuttering guitar lines and booming propulsion of the rhythm line that I can’t help but suspect he’s being disingenuous. So I start to wonder, what the hell is she getting out the relationship? Being told with a shit-eating grin that he wouldn’t be able to act like an irresponsible child if it wasn’t for her? This is why the world needs Taylor Swift.
[5]
Brad Shoup: Impeccably rendered essentialism. He’s got at least as much range as his guitar retainer, which spans stutter and a sort of taunting hook.
[7]
Anthony Easton: So many country singers have stripped the accent from their voices, hinting at location instead of making it explicit (Shelton’s drawl is a perfect example of this). One of Moore’s great gifts is his refusal to do that kind of self-censoring. How he sings “haul ass” is kind of genius. The guitars are more Van Halen than Lefty Frizell, but that’s a lost battle; the lyrics are dumb, and the whole good ol’ boy and his perfect lady is played out and slightly misogynist, especially in the year of Ashley Monroe, Kacey Musgraves, and Brandi Clarke. But that voice and that accent are worth much more than the material.
[6]
Alfred Soto: The guitars crunch, a complement to Moore’s tendency to treat vowels like his jaw is stuck on chewing gum. The conservatism is the burden: womanhood represents the softness that Moore thinks he’s too much of a guy to accept. The song isn’t strong enough nor is Moore’s voice shaded enough to suggest he’s in on the joke.
[6]
Will Adams: The prospect of the Point at You as a dance move is hilarious enough that I can’t fully hate this. Still, the basic premise is that Justin can act like a drunken fool because his girlfriend can be sweet for him? Fuck that.
[4]
Daniel Montesinos-Donaghy: Interchangeable, tasteful delay-effect guitar C&W that doubles as a Big Sean tribute, adapted from the corny line from his “As Long As You Love Me” verse about pointing at his better half. Okay, probably not, but the sheer thought got me through the verses. Moore’s lyric about “haul[ing] ass home” is surprisingly romantic in a ain’t-changing-for-nobody way, so there’s always that.
[4]