Oh, Luda…

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[4.62]
Thomas Inskeep: Rappers with this much need to talk about money, weed, and “hos” – once they’re already wildly successful, as Jeezy, Luda, Juicy, and Game all are – suffer from a small jimmy complex. Where’s Roxanne Shanté when you need her? DJ Infamous obviously wants some of that DJ Khaled money, but based on this limp track, he’s not gonna be getting it.
[1]
Jer Fairall: The first minute-and-a-half is a testament to Jeezy’s sheer gravitas: even when rapping about absolutely nothing, he still delivers a performance of thrilling urgency. That leaves three minutes of the same delivered by lesser talents, with so much casual misogyny thrown around that Luda’s homophobic “Elmo” dig doesn’t even register as particularly egregious.
[5]
Scott Mildenhall: Being boring is one thing a song never has an excuse for, and this is so even before Ludacris’ homophobia, at which point there’s still more than half of the song to go. It’s probably pretty narrow-sighted to pick up on that in a variety of ways, but it is the only thing that stood out; that and the audacity to end on a fade.
[4]
Crystal Leww: Ludacris at this point has pretty much perfected sounding good while saying pretty much nothing of value at all. It rubs off on everyone else here. This is good because while no one is really contributing anything to the track, at least they’re not detracting from this beat. While Mike WiLL has been off playing BFF with Miley, DJ Infamous has stuck to the tried and true formula and makes this spaced out sound work for him. When it comes down to it, the true stars of this song are the twinkles and the bass hits.
[6]
Megan Harrington: I think if I had a friend that was in a coma for the past 5 years and suddenly woke to ask what rap they’d missed out on, instead of playing them Yeezus and “Turn Down For What” and Chief Keef, or taking my time and making an elaborate multi-disc mix, I’d put on “Double Cup” and consider my work done.
[5]
Brad Shoup: The Carpenter crawl is presented so crisply: this is baroque soap. The ways the verses entwine and repel are particularly fascinating. Jeezy doesn’t care for molly; Game’s hopping on the bandwagon. Luda and Juicy J both hit on the “steel toe” rhyme. Juicy’s watching the charts, Jeezy’s still got an eye on the scale. As a selection of dudes facing down rap middle age, this is an impeccable melee, a bunch of guys getting down to business — in Ludacris’s case, he’s diversifying, but homophobia’s a fucking dumb market.
[7]
Jonathan Bradley: Dazzled by DJ Mustard’s outsize presence on My Krazy Life, I hadn’t previously noticed the similarities between YG and Game: both California hardheads who wield workmanlike flows and impeccable beat selection to update West Coast formalism. So I was at first a bit sad to hear Game so brazenly biting YG’s “My Nigga” here — is he so desperate as to jock a successor’s steez? — but then I remembered dude’s been pilfering from hotter talents his whole career. So, welcome back Jayceon. Welcome back Luda, too, who, grade school gay joke aside, sounds vital for the first time in years. In fact, there are no real slouches here: if “A Zip and a Double Cup” was hot the first time, why shouldn’t it work on round two?
[6]
Alfred Soto: He’s pissed he can’t afford his damn croissants.
[3]