Your editor doesn’t know enough about professional wrestling to write a witty caption, so take it away Dan…
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[4.25]
Dan MacRae: I’m still waiting for Heath Slater to sock this dude square in the nose.
[1]
Patrick St. Michel: This song gave me the mental image of Flo Rida surfing, so it’s worth something.
[4]
David Sheffieck: Gloriously dumb — if this doesn’t quite reach the heights of “Can’t Believe It,” it’s a big step up from “How I Feel” — peaking with Sage’s “Double entendre, double entendre.” And whoever decided to lift that sax riff deserves credit for the extra two points that make this an
[8]
Anthony Easton: Can we replace the horns on “Shake It Off” with the horns on this? Because the horns on this might be this year’s brass highlight. I love them so much that I feel like I can ignore the Katrina line.
[6]
Megan Harrington: That sax arrangement — is it a clown car? Snake charmer? Jack-in-the-box? As a tool to wind the tension of the song and underscore the imminent reality of it going down, it’s effective. As a sound I’m uninterested in ever hearing again, it’s also effective. In balancing the scales, the strongest counterweight is Flo Rida’s delightfully lazy hook. He’s both authoritative and nonchalant amid the chaos.
[5]
Alfred Soto: A hook! Flo hasn’t stumbled over one this insistent in years. Sage keeps up.
[6]
Brad Shoup: Lookas’s flip turns the horn into a gasping, asthmatic thing, which works especially well since Flo Rida’s not sucking the air out of the room for once. His flow’s choppier, his slang sense is on the fritz, and he’s generous to cede all the hooks to another capable set of deep pipes. It’s been nice having Mr. Rida around, but we could use Sage’s approach to pop-rap melody on the charts.
[6]
Crystal Leww: As joyful as hearing “mussardonthebeatho” this year has been hearing the DJ drops of Young California’s premiere tastemakers: “DJ Amen World Premiere” followed by “Cuhrisssssmaaaaa!” The two of them have been putting their co-signs on a steady stream of hits that have been criminally unnoticed outside of the West Coast. “GDFR” is not new ground; producer Lookas made a trap remix of War’s “Low Rider” and Flo Rida decided to hop all over it. That’s right: those horns aren’t even “Talk Dirty”-horns, they are “Low Rider” horns! Flo Rida and Sage the Gemini are at their best, too. Flo Rida gives his guest star the appropriate space to shine, turning in a perfectly fine verse before peacing out. Sage the Gemini is maybe the only one who can rap that much about butts and get away with it, but there’s something magnetic about how sinister that deep voice can seem. That mini-bridge is perfect, with Sage doling out commands like “lift it, drop it, shake it, pop it.” I hope this is a hit.
[7]
Micha Cavaseno: If you haven’t been paying attention, Sage the Gemini might be one of the top five young rappers in the game right now. Ignore his ability to forge earworms that become Vine staples corrupting youth, or his brilliant production that puts peers like Mustard, The Invasion, and League of Starz to shame. (Have you heard the kick on “Panoramic” or the mutation synth he calls “Bad Girls”?!? MY GOD.) Sage has a way of effortlessly displaying uncommon virtuosity as a rapper with an eccentric sense of humor (“low like femurs”/”wetter than Katrina” ) that makes him just as much his generation’s Saafir as their Nelly. Tragically, he’s riding an OK beat that he didn’t helm and is pinch hitting for pop-rap dullard Flo Rida, so unless this becomes a big hit, this doesn’t do S-A-G-E many favors. However, with rumors of collaborations with Bieber, one can hope he maintains his sidewinding path through the game to new heights while he’s still so fresh-faced and creative.
[4]
Katherine St Asaph: Flo Rida puts on fake Mustard like your dad trying to be edgy. At 11 p.m. his friend makes an awkward Katrina joke and your mom spends the next half-hour coaxing the family friends out the door.
[2]
Thomas Inskeep: Flo Rida: will.i.am without the cred. Also, I didn’t expect that Macklemore’s most enduring legacy would be those obnoxious “Thrift Shop” horns, but they’ve been all over pop and would-be-hip-hop in 2014, haven’t they? Oh, and one more thing, Flo Rida: perhaps “girls get wetter than Katrina” isn’t the best turn of phrase, asshole. And just one other thing: I’ll place $5 that he doesn’t even know what “double entendre” means.
[1]
Luisa Lopez: The only thing that ever made Flo Rida bearable was the balls-out absurdity of the “Low” era, and the possibility that a phrase like apple bottom jeans could ever summon desire, or laughter, or both. This new effort is too boring to even bother writing out the full title.
[1]