Finally, a genre name to rival “Hollywood sadcore” in the “wtf no” stakes.
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[5.82]
Micha Cavaseno: “Yokohama Ratchet Pop.” If you could come up with a phrase to make my stomach try to jettison itself from my whole body better than that, I’d be surprised! But no, these are nothing but stock parts and cheap gimmicks that make you feel like the studio must be located at the back of a party store, where Crystal, who serves as manager, constantly harasses her employees with “O.M.G. GUISE. I HAVE A BRILLIANT IDEA.” If you can mentally conjure up the face you’d respond with, and it matches your reaction to this video, then you can see my point.
[0]
Anthony Easton: This is so anxious — the manic chorus, the speed up lyrics, those drums that just push the narrative past any point of reason — that one wants it to end completely in fireworks, but it just phases out without much commitment.
[4]
Alfred Soto: Not a ditty and far from dumb, this collection of percussion from many lands boasts a cool, knowing vocal in the Ciara vein. She states but doesn’t insist. That might be the track’s problem too — I’ll see if it survives replay — but for the moment it fulfills its mission.
[7]
Sonia Yang: I’m sad that Crystal Kay never reached the scale of international fame I thought she deserved. I listened to her avidly throughout high school and I always believed she had the formula down to appeal to both Japanese audiences (with schmaltzy anime tie-ins) and Western ones (with feel-good party pop tracks). This song seems to be a stab at mixing both of her worlds – sultry hip-hop laced with a traditional Japanese element (that shamisen really sells it) packaged as a new pseudo-genre called “Yokohama ratchet pop” — and it works. It’s fresh and unusual and I still love it as much as when I heard the leak several months ago. The trippy video is something I’d expect more from Passepied, but I’m not complaining. Crystal Kay has set the stage for a potentially great comeback and let’s all pray that she delivers and doesn’t end up gimmicky.
[7]
Patrick St. Michel: At this point, Crystal Kay could call it a day (and in Japan, she pretty much has) and have a museum-worthy legacy all her own. She survived and thrived in a music industry that’s long been hesitant of Japanese performers who don’t look Japanese (and in a place where blackface still sometimes pops up on TV), and blazed a path for performers of mixed and different ethnicities going forward. At this point, Kay isn’t a player in her native Japan, but “Dum Ditty Dumb” pulls some interesting tricks that manage to make it stick out on both sides of the Pacific. “Yokohama ratchet pop” sounds like a late-career hail mary, but Kay has earnestly introduced koto into her trap-pop, which Stateside makes it stand out amongst a genre unafraid of sonic exotica. And in Japan, where EDM/trap is just whatever America is doing, this actually tries to put a new twist on it. Kay isn’t going to see a surge where she grow up and she’s probably not breaking into America, but she can add one more sonic surprise to her legacy.
[7]
Iain Mew: “Dum Ditty Dumb” reminds me of Misha B’s “Home Run,” not so much in its sound but in the way that it places such emphasis on the genre flexibility of its singer, even at the expense of structure. Crystal Kay doesn’t need to establish her ability in the same way, but it’s her ability that provides the constant that holds the song together, at least up until the abrupt fade-out. And rather than hoping for her to get songs that make use of her abilities, she already has.
[7]
Megan Harrington: The language of love is pure, alliterative nonsense. Where Greil Marcus might get chuffed listening to the right word, delivered the right way, I’m fascinated by the way “ditty dum(b)” is, even half a century and several continents removed from its first conception, the sound of a heart in motion. Crystal Kay is less sweetly starstruck by love but her retort is twitterpated all the same.
[8]
Thomas Inskeep: Whatever I think of the merits of this single, I just appreciate that she asked “Am I enticing to you?” Crystal’s verses are sung/talked in a very sexy register, and the tabla-esque stuff is mighty effective. This is my first run-in with her, and she’s weird. Like Shakira-level-weird. Which is awesome.
[6]
Edward Okulicz: Pretty annoying, especially that thing which sounds like a talking parrot interjecting, but the way she shrieks reminds me of that one amazing “braaaa!” noise Missy Elliott makes on “Lick Shots,” so it’s not a complete disaster. It also at least has brevity on its side.
[5]
Brad Shoup: The voices mock and she mocks right back. I’m a fool for a bunch of vocal looks — finally figured that shit out — and hers are as much a bedrock of this track as the koto funk. Another artist might’ve dumped out the playbin. (To be fair, they might’ve also found another thirty seconds of runtime.)
[8]
Katherine St Asaph: Evokes a more sedate “London Bridge” in its kitchen-sink swag and sass-flirt chorus. I thought pop was incoherent back then too.
[5]