OK, so it’s only two-thirds Ungoogleable Wednesday…
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[4.33]
Julian Axelrod: I’ve always liked Jaden Smith, despite having no tangible evidence to explain why. He’s a fascinating figure whose public antics are far more memorable than his entire film and music career. Luckily, the Fresher Prince has delivered a banger to validate my years of Jaden standom. To be fair, most of the highlights come from his collaborators: The beat is a thing of beauty, turning a Cab Calloway wail into a squealing siren haunting street corner ciphers. And Nicky Jam’s rapid-fire energy is the perfect compliment to Jaden’s studied malaise. But our host more than holds his own, executing an effective trap flow with just enough of his weirdo edge. (Is there a more Jaden Smith line than “Owe it all to Cudi and to Tycho”?) Even if he never drops another song this good, at least we’ll always have his tweets.
[7]
Alfred Soto: Yeah, that’s what we need: the child of Hollywood scions boasting about his icon livin’ using a tone recognizable to anyone who’s dealt with a miffed movie theater employee.
[3]
Ian Mathers: Not sure whether Jaden and his dad both showing up around Nicky Jam is sublimated competition, #branding synergy, or something else, but it’d be better just by virtue of letting Jam go off a bit, the younger Smith currently having a marginally less clunky delivery, and a competently wielded hook/loop.
[5]
Ramzi Awn: The perfect example of why Nicki Minaj is so good at what she does. “Lookin Ass” without the bite. Or beat.
[3]
Juan F. Carruyo: Nicky leans too hard on the good-ol’ envy tropes Latino rappers love to play, but at least he carries some flow. Jaden, try as he might, only has flop sweat to show up for his effort. I will admit that he does a credible moonwalk, though.
[3]
Jonathan Bogart: Jaden’s now older than his father was when he made Rock the House, and although he doesn’t have a tenth of the charm or skill that the kid from West Philly did in ’87, he has something more valuable for #branding purposes: money, and the cultivated sense of taste money endows. Unfortunately, that leaves him chasing fads rather than starting them the way people whose taste is born of necessity do. Nicky Jam sleepwalks through verses he could have left on anyone’s song, while Jaden acts as his own hypeman, desperate for everyone to love him as much as he does.
[5]