Yeah, we’re basically asking for Weezer to come by and give us a bad review. Bring it on, Rivers.
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Thomas Inskeep: Apparently Rivers and company now think they’re a funk band, but guess what: they’re not. Not to mention, how cheap to write a song about the gig economy. This reeks like mayo left out on the counter for a week.
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Joshua Minsoo Kim: I know Weezer are a bunch of dorks and they proudly revel in such an identity, but this is the only time that I’ve felt so terribly embarrassed for them. The “Hasta luego, adios” hook, Rivers’s nasally “don’t step to me, bitch” line, the watered-down funk — they’ve never sounded more like a random cover band playing a local dive bar. I guess the joke’s on me, though, since the band is self-aware enough to know how uncool they sound.
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Alfred Soto: The attempts at arranging watery mariachi horns, Rivers Cuomo’s Spanish, “don’t step to me, bitch” — Maroon 5 are Funkadelic by comparison.
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Katherine St Asaph: Say what you will about millennial burnout, but at least our generation only produces thinkpieces about it, not Sugar Ray songs.
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Edward Okulicz: And I thought Fall Out Boy’s degeneration into a shitty pop band was bad, but this just wrecks the curve. The only way you could think that this cynical Mariachi 5 factory assembly, replete with rancid “funk” and breathtakingly stupid lyrics was catchy would be if you have listened to no music that isn’t Weezer prior to 2019. The funkiest song any of Weezer have ever listened to is “Paralyzer” by Finger Eleven. Oh my god, River Cuomo even said “bitch,” fuck me, I think the continuing success of Weezer beyond any remnants of goodness suggests that perhaps Donald Trump should shut down the entire U.S. economy.
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Will Adams: In one fell swoop, Weezer master the game of aural Would You Rather: Rivers Cuomo attempting (“write a blog about it”???) to be the voice of the side hustle economy, or him pooh-poohing it and, by extension, millennials? A title that references Jay-Z but lands squarely on Justin Timberlake, or an actual effort to match Hov’s song? A song that’s a veritable Train wreck of corniness, or a “No Scrubs” cover?
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Alex Clifton: I would willingly listen to Katy Perry’s “Firework” over this.
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