Smiling next to Travie and The Queen…
[Video][Website]
[5.43]
Oliver Maier: This is many things but “cohesive” is not at the top of that list; it’s the musical equivalent of a Valentine’s Day card signed by the entire class. Whereas Drake can deliver the apposite fluff with his eyes shut (“do you need pajamas?”, good grief) and Yachty is excellent in that tragically sweet way that only he can be, the decision to unleash DaBaby for verse three is baffling. I can’t tell which works less, his default guns-blazing approach or the barely-crooning that he tacks on at the end. This is to say nothing of the tiresome lyrics; is “keep the butt, I’ll take the mouth” really as romantic as he’s able to go? Remove him and it’s an [8]. Cut it down to just the Yachty parts and you’ve maybe got a [9]. Earl on the Beat gets an honorary [10] for an instrumental that sounds like an elevator straight to heaven.
[6]
Ryo Miyauchi: Lil Yachty sings with an introverted innocence that charmed on earlier hits like “One Night.” His murmurs really feel out the bright melodies of the glossy ringtone beat, and it turns those flexes of his fat bank account into a sweet little lullaby. I want to isolate it so it can sound more like a love letter demo recorded at 3am on GarageBand that would never be heard by anyone else. Drake and DaBaby both crumble that mood with their crisp, percussive enunciation and their extroverted egos.
[6]
Alfred Soto: With Yachty a honeyed glaze, doing his best Travis Scott impersonation, and Drake Drake-ing random-ass nonsense, it’s left to DaBaby to remind everyone he’s the sharpest rapper in the room (best line: “Keep the butt/I’ll take the mouth”). This sharpness reminds us what a collection of spare parts “Oprah’s Bank Account” is.
[4]
Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: “Oprah’s Bank Account” is more than the sum of its parts. Taken on their own, neither Yachty’s hook nor any of the verses particularly shine. Yet Earl on the Beat’s beat manages to collate this middling material into something great. Underneath a blinged-out candelabra of chorused-out pianos and organs, Drake’s come-ons sound charmingly self-parodic for the first time in a while, Yachty’s croons and mumbles sound laden with emo importance, and DaBaby’s flow finally finds a worthy adversary to break through. It’s still a superhero movie of a rap song, all big-name collaborators without much regard for cohesion, but the underlying architecture is so strong that I can’t help but enjoy it.
[8]
Nina Lea: Brilliant song title absolutely going to waste here.
[3]
Andy Hutchins: The joke at the heart of “Oprah’s Bank Account” — that you can look as good as a billionaire’s billions — is a good one, if not original. The long-form video is astonishing, because Yachty has enough of Oprah’s mannerisms down — despite not yet being 14 when it went off the air, which implies either sincere love for the show or significant and/or savant-level study of it prior to filming — to be uncanny as “Boprah,” Drake (exactly petty enough to revel in “light-skin capability” and impugn “TokTik” some time before his obvious TikTok play) and DaBaby walk around brimming with charisma, and the inside jokes are all well-done. The song is a mess: Yachty is intent on sex at mom’s before the end of the leadoff hook and ruins the joke in its final line by implying that other aspects of Oprah’s being might also be attractive; Drake backs himself into referencing Bin Laden by starting his first quatrain with “Obama,” goes with “I hide in the cave like Osama did” before finding the inspired “Diamond District” as a slant rhyme multi and wraps it all around what I believe is his 11,000th attempt to get a lover to stay in and a boast (…I think?) that he “tongued down” Madonna; Sr. Boat’s verse is as mumble-mouthed as ever, and “same hoes hatin’ be in my DM” isn’t as memorable or revelatory as he thinks; DaBaby has written the same verse he’s recorded 150 times in the last two years, and the song lacks his hilarious contentions in the video that “Like, if you make every damn song an ongoing song, you never gotta make another song again” and “I’ll be triple platinum for the rest of my life!” But damn is that Earl on the Beat instrumental infectious, all arpeggiated synths around a buoyant melody.
[5]
Wayne Weizhen Zhang: I mean, if Oprah approves, who am I to disagree?
[6]